Living… how long does/can it last?

Two main things have occurred in the past weeks that have jolted my insides…

1. I get this question a lot, “Why do you blog?”.  It’s funny how some have over-psychoanalysed me, giving me reasons why I blog.  It’s really simple.  I live for new experiences, and I want to learn and grow from them.  But I also know that I have this tendency to put things aside easily, not remember that one profound moment I had, person who inspired me, and move on to the next.  I don’t want to forget what I’ve experienced (through travels, meeting new people), how that experience made me feel, want in life, and what it taught me.  This particular blog is public, because I know there are many others out there who can relate.  I’m touched by the mostly private responses I get from childhood friends, strangers, anonymous readers sharing their thoughts and experiences.

2. My two friends, S&S, were out last night, and they had an alcohol-induced brilliant idea.  It’s absolutely brilliant.  It started off with the often asked question, “Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?”  They then decided we should all write letters to ourselves, based on what we are, feel right now.  We’d hide them away for the next 10 years, and promise to only open them in 10 years.  I started thinking about my letter.  I started thinking about my 38 year old self.  I had a moment where I panicked.

Right now, I freaking love life.  I am passionate about certain things, I run, am a firm believer in certain things.  I don’t ever want to lose sight of these things.  Yes your personality, character can change, but I don’t want to lose this passionate side of me, and get jaded by certain things.  I’m passionate because I’m able to find inspiration.  If I lose that creativity to find inspiration, I might as well be dead.  I’m so excited to write this letter to myself, and it’s going to start with something like this..

“Dear Ruth, when you were 28, this is how you felt about life, and this is how you lived.  Do you still feel that?  No?  Why?  What the f*** are you doing?  Snap out of it you pompous shi*t.  If you still feel this way, congratulations, you still have a soul.  Your 28 year old self is proud of you.”

On a more somber note, my brother has been sharing pictures/comments on his current experience, which is pretty challenging.  There was an article about how the camp where he’s been working at was attacked.  Reading that article, his reality hit me, it hit me hard.  I was at work, and it took every ounce of me not to shed a tear.  Anyway, long story for another time, but this is another moment I don’t want to forget.

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